Being a parent...

I wish there was a manual for baby/toddler handling ever since Iishwar was born. Even something as complicated as launching a rocket has a manual but there is none for nurturing a child! There may be 1001 books on childcare in the market but believe me when I say, none of it works a 100%. 

Iishwar will be turning 2 in Dec'14. You guys would think that by now I am pro at being a mother. That I can handle him single handedly in any situation. WRONG! 

Kids behave so differently at different stages of their lives. Just when the husband and I were confident we got the situation under control, Iishwar throws a curve-ball at us and we go crash, boom, bang. :-(

Well, all part and parcel of being a parent, I know. Not that I'm complaining cause we love Iishwar so much, we are willing to do anything for him, literally. Well, sometimes, that is also a problem. I digress. 

Do you know what makes childcare more difficult? The comments, advises and so called wisdom words from people around you. 

No offense to anyone reading this. I know everyone means well when they advice new parents. But at times, they can be more annoying than being helpful. 

I've compiled some of the advice/comments which just gets me worked up and I believe these are comments you should refrain from giving other new parents because I am pretty sure they do not want hear them. At least try not to do it. 

1. Your milk is not enough, that's why your baby is crying. 

I chose to breastfeed my baby. The best decision I've made, because I know how good breast milk is for a baby. If you didn't choose to do it, no problem cause that is your choice. But keep your opinions to yourself if possible. Most of the the breastfeeding mothers fail to exclusively breastfeed their baby because of all the negative comments from people around them. "Your milk is insufficient, that's why your baby is crying". "Look how thin your baby is, he/she is not getting enough nutrient from you milk because it's watery". "Why would you want to waste time expressing milk with a pump when you can do other things?". It goes on and on and on. Please, stop. 

2. Oh, he looks so much like his father/mother. Why is he so dark/thin/fat/short etc. 

It's never-ending. Every child is perfect for his parents. I don't care if my son is dark skinned because his father is and he is an Indian. If he is fair like a  Mat Salleh, then definitely there's something wrong somewhere. These comments gets to my nerves. Beauty is just skin deep. It's the character which will carve their future.  And of course he looks like either me or my husband laaaa. Want him to look like who then?? 

3. You left your child with so and so and went shopping/watched movie? How could you? 

Stop judging! Just because we have a child now does not mean life stops there, does it? We parents do need some time for ourselves. We need some quiet time with each other. Those days, things were different. Parents doted on their children 24/7 and in progress lost themselves. Again, it's ones choice. Don't judge. It is ok to occasionally to leave your child with the grandparents of even their nanny so that we can spend some quality time with our better half. It is totally ok. 

4. Oh, he is 5 months old and he has not rolled over yet? My so and so rolled over when he/she was 3/4 months.  

Iishwar rolled over when he was 5 & 1/2 months. Slightly delayed compared to other babies, I know. But I was not worried because every blog/child care related articles I have read has indicated that each and every baby is different and that they do things differently in a different time frame. And that as long as their growth is good, we should not worry about anything else. Learn to realize that first before giving any comments. Iishwar may have started to roll-over only when he turned 5 & 1/2 months but he started walking as soon as was 11 months!! So yeah, he may have been slow in the beginning but I would say he caught up pretty well. 

5. You are feeding him blended porridge/puree? I fed my child rice when he/she was 8 months old and he/she is fine. 

It is not my problem if you choose to cause damage to your child's digestive system. Really. 

Kids who are fed with solids before they are ready for it, have high chances to be infected with inefficient digestive system. So, get your facts right first. 

6. You let your child sleep with you in the bed? 

For the love of God. I know that I should avoid this unless I want Iishwar to be the only child. But it happened without us realizing it. I have always put him to sleep in his playpen. But there was a time he got so sick with diarrhea and vomiting, we had no choice but to let him sleep with us because we wanted to monitor his progress throughout the night. 1 day became 1 week and then 1 month. And he refuses to sleep in his playpen anymore. And he is at the age where he will not understand even if I explain to him why he needs to sleep alone. So i don't see any harm in him sleeping with us. 

7. He has not said his 1st word yet? Isn't he slow for his age? 

Again, different kids, different time frame. Always remember that. Iishwar called me 'Amma' when he was ~18 months old. I get it, some kids are fast, they can speak in 3 letter sentence by the time they are 18 months old. But no, Iishwar took his time to begin saying legitimate words. Even before that, he used to go on and on in his baby language. So no, I was not worried. Because I knew that Iishwar is in fact not a quiet person, he loves to talk. He is just taking his time to learn our words. He is now a parrot and is picking up words at a very fast speed. 

8. You should not raise your voice/raise your hand when he throws tantrum. 

Iishwar is in his terrible twos at the moment. And he is the king of all tantrums. I've tried all types of confrontation, you name it. But what works the most? Raising my voice and soothing him later on. It works for me, might not work for you. But yeah, even if I don't want to, I have to do it. Unless I want Iishwar to turn into a spoilt brat (he is already beginning to behave like one). I do not want to regret not trying to discipline him when he was younger. At the end of the day, parents know what is the best for their child and you telling them what they are doing is not right at times does not help at all. 

9. Don't expose him to television/hand phone.

I tried, I did. But at times I need him to be occupied so that I can finish my job as fast as possible without disturbance. So yeah, I am guilty as charged. But as a working mother, I just do not have the luxury of keeping my child occupied any other way. I believe, moderation is the key. So what if he watched television? We all grew up watching television. We turned up well enough, didn't we? Sometimes, people just make a big deal of a small thing. So, try not to judge a parent so fast. 

10. Don't do it this way, do it my way!

This is something that does not fail to get me riled up. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If we are doing something wrong, by all means do correct us. But do not ask us to do things differently just because it is different style from yours. Everyone have their own way of doing things, but ultimately we all want the same result --> the best for our child. Let's leave it at that. 

I really do hope my post has not hurt anyone in any way. These are just some things that I dislike to hear as a new parent. I do respect all of your opinions and advises but there is a way to convey it. And there is a time and place to say it as well. So do bear in your mind these things before you decide to comment/advise anyone regarding their child. 

The picture below best depicts my situation from when Iishwar was born till now. :-)

To all the new parents out there, hang in there peeps. You guys are doing a wonderful job! Salute! 

"All The Small Things"

All the small things
True care, truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride best trip

Always I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting, commiserating

Say it ain't so,
I will not go,
Turn the lights off,
Carry me home

Na, na...

Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
She left me roses by the stairs,
Surprises, let me know she cares

Say it ain't so,
I will not go,
Turn the lights off,
Carry me home

Na, na...

Say it ain't so,
I will not go,
Turn the lights off,
Carry me home

This song by Blink 182 hands down was my most favorite song when I was in secondary school. In fact it still is. It does not fail to lift my spirit even now when I hear it playing on the radio. Why? For the obvious reasons. Small things are what matters most in life. 

A smile from a loved one. 

Simple home cooked food. 

This breathtaking view. 

Often in live, we over-look these small things as something trivial. We forget to stop and smell the flower once in awhile (literally). 

We forget to let go of the past, of the betrayals. We forget to be thankful for who we are now. For what we have now. For how far we have come. We forget the inner child in us. 

I've always learnt to appreciate the small things in my life and to never worry myself about things that I don't or can't have. 

A kite-flying experience (failed miserably when I was a kid to fly a kite, so made The Husband to teach me now). :-) 

Chilling by the pool with the loved ones. 

Indulging in a cup of Frap whenever possible. :P

These are simple things, really. But these are the things that we take for granted. 

The ever-loving family that waits for you at home. 

The dependable friend who is willing to do anything for you and with you. 

The colleague who is there for you when you need to b*tch about your boss. :-)

The simple joy of having a scrumptious meal. 

We often waste our times worrying about things that we can't or don't have instead of just enjoying whatever we have at the moment. We compare ourselves with others, we lament on our 'poor' lives without realizing that there are people who are in worse situation than we are. 

Always remember, if you think your house is too small, there are many people who sleep on the streets at night. 

Always remember, if you think you don't have enough money, there are many people who have not seen a RM10 note for a long time. 

Always remember, if you think your job is tough and that it sucks, there are many people who are jobless and who would do anything to have your job. 

Always remember, if you always fight with your husband/wife/family/friends, be thankful that you have so many people and not the lonesome soul like some. 

Always remember that life is tough but you can be tougher. 

After all, it's the small the things that matters the most. 

Just thankful..

As parents, I believe we are challenged the most when our child is sick. Especially the young ones who can't tell us what's wrong. Iishwar was always a healthy baby. Yeah he did get the flu or fever occasionally but he was always able to have a speedy recovery. Until I stopped breastfeeding him, which was when he was about 8 & 1/2 months old. He started falling sick so frequently and it took a long time for him to get well. From August 2013 till now, I have visited the pediatrician at least 10 times. Sigh.

Last 2 weeks was the most challenging for us. Iishwar was down with some viral infection which causes him to either vomit out whatever we fed him (even water) ord to have such bad diarrhea that it could leak out from his diapers. We were worried beyond words could describe.

As parents, it was really heartbreaking to watch him lie down weakly and not being active as he was always. All we could do was to keep him hydrated as the Doctor suggested. And he must have hated me for pinning him down to force-feed him the multiple medicine that was given to him (I am very sorry baby, I have no choice). 

We even went to the extend of admitting him to the hospital, but somehow there was some godly intervention, I think. There was no room available in the hospital. A private specialist hospital, go figure! And by God's grace, he got better the very same day and we were just so glad we did not admit him after all. 

While all this was happening, I was asking God why was this happening to us? What did the poor little boy do to suffer this much? I got my answer when I came across this blog about Baby Alexa. 

I cried as I read Nat's blog. Nat's baby Alexa was born sleeping (still born). She had a normal pregnancy with no complications till she was 9 months pregnant. Another 4 weeks to her due date she felt that there was something wrong as Baby Alexa's movement reduced drastically. A visit to her ob-gyn confirmed her suspicion. There was no heartbeat. Her baby was gone. As  a mother, I could only say I know how she feels. To carry a child for 36 - 40 weeks in your womb to just lose the child? Devastating. 

Yes, people will say that it is God's will and that we should be happy that the child is now in heaven. But as a mother, all we can think is : I WANT THE CHILD WITH ME, NOT IN HEAVEN! 

Who would want to go through the ups and downs of being pregnant and just lose the child at the end? 

What's worse was that, Nat had to still go through the delivery process and the confinement after her delivery. Honestly, being pregnant is a breeze. Even delivery is tolerate-able up to an extend. But the confinement? That's a whole lot of a different story. It is not only difficult but it is also very challenging. What makes it better? The fact that you have a baby to love and care for. Imagine going through all the pain, trauma and stress and not have your baby with you? There's no worse feeling than that. 

And then, it hit me. I am a very fortunate person. I had a somewhat uneventful pregnancy and delivery (now that I know about Nat, I don't think my delivery was difficult at all). My baby is fine and healthy (god bless him and touch all the wood in the world). I get to go back home and see my baby everyday. I could see him progress as he grows. I can provide him with whatever he needs. What more could I ask for? 

I am just thankful for what God has given me. I have learnt to accept that even if my life may not be perfect, but it is enough for me. I have a loving husband, a mischievous and healthy baby, a great and supportive family and a bunch of crazy friends who are there for me when I need them. 

And for all that, I am just thankful....

p/s : Nat is now pregnant with her 2nd baby. Let's pray for her, her baby and Baby Alexa :-)

30 Things You Should Do/Know Before Turning 30!

Disclaimer : This is NOT a new year resolution post. 

I can't believe that this is happening so soon... Where did my 20's go to?? I can still remember when I turned 20. And all of a sudden I will be 30? Thirty?? The BIG 3-0??? Ok Rathi, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Age is just a number! Oh, who am I kidding! 

Damn, I can't believe it, I will be turning 30 in 2014! I hate 2014 just for that. 

I have two choices though. Mop around till Sept 2014, orrrrrr, I can learn how to embrace it. I choose the latter. (have always been cup-half-full person). 

Going to be 30, soon. Hyperventilating! I digress. 

Anyway, here's 30 things I think you should do/have done before turning 30, based on experience of yours truly. (inspired by 25 Things I've Learned In 25 Years). 

Drum roll please (in random order)... : 

1. Learn to respect yourself before you expect people to respect you. 

2. Go away for at least 1 trip every 3 months (doesn't matter if it is just 1 night stay at a hotel in a nearby town, i.e at Penang if staying in Kulim. Just saying.) 

3. Learn to allocate time for family and friends and not just work. 

4. Learn to allocate 'me time' at least 3 - 4 times a week (even if it is just a mere 30mins per session). 

5. Don't hold grudges, life is too short for all that. 

6. Learn to forgive no matter how hard it is. 

7. Always remember that "this will also pass", immaterial if it is a good or a bad thing. 

8. Believe that there's true love out there (if you have not found yours yet). 

9. Laugh when in distress. It helps, believe me. 

10. Learn to let go. No point clinging and pining on someone or something which is not worth. 

11. That life is tough, but you are always tougher. 

12. Be spontaneous, sometimes the best experiences in life happens unplanned. 

13. Give without expecting anything in return. Be selfless. (not easy, but do-able)

14. Know that there will always be people who are not happy with you, but also know that you can't possibly please everyone. 

15. Be happy with what you have and learn not to compare. There are some people out there who are less fortunate than you are. 

16. Help a stranger in need (if it is absolutely save, I am not asking you to stop your car in the middle of the night to help a stalled car!)

17. Don't regret for what has happened, there's always a reason for everything. 

18. Live life day by day, you are not god, you can't predict the future. 

19. Start a small saving account and consistently contribute to it. (with more commitments coming in future, a little savings can go a long way...)

20. Learn how to be independent. 

21. Believe in yourself even when others don't. 

22. Make at least 1 person laugh/smile each day. Life will be much better. 

23. Say "I Love You" more often to the people you love. 

24. Love and be comfortable with your body and take good care of it.  

25. Sacrifice something for your loved ones (no, not your life). 

26. Be realistic with goals. You can't buy a Ferrari if you are earning RM2k per month. 

27. Donate regularly to those who are in need (blood, money, books, food). 

28. Don't stop dreaming. 

29. Re-kindle an old friendship which has died down.

30. Finally, be true to yourself in all kind of situation. If you start cheating yourself then what is there to life? 

I can go on and on and on. 30 is just a small number after all (consoling myself). 

These are things I've learnt based on experience, some mine, some of people around me. They may be trivial but important. These are things we over-look  most of the time. But, above all, what matters most is; be yourself, be comfortable, don't pretend. So that, no matter if you turn 30 or 300, life will always be good. ;-)

365 Days of Being a Mother...

The feeling is surreal. I still can't believe that I am a mother and have been one for the past 1 year. Most of the time the husband tells me he doesn't know who is more of a child, me or our son iishwar. Lol. I always believed in reliving the inner child in me. But I digress. 

Before iishwar was born, I was already very determined to do the best I could do for him as a mother. One of the most important thing was breastfeeding. I was very passionate about it. Why? Because it is something I can give to my baby for free, something awesome that only a mother can do and of course it is something that could help my baby grow up healthy. No, I am not saying formula milk is bad for babies. I supplement iishwar with formula and he is doing fine (touch-wood). I am just saying that I was passionate about breastfeeding, I was very excited to try it. How difficult could it be right? WRONG! I am not sure if it was just for me, or it is the same for everyone. I had a epic breastfeeding journey of blocked ducts, cracked nipples (TMI, sorry), engorgement, insufficient milk supply bla bla bla. Whatever possible complication there could be with breastfeeding, I had it. Lol. 

I remember breaking down crying one night while feeding iishwar. It was just too painful because of the blocked duct. I remember telling my mother, "why is God making this so difficult for me, I am trying to do something good for my baby. why can't it be easier?". Yes that was a moment of madness due to lack of sleep, lack of rest, lack of proper knowledge. :P

I pulled through, I made it. I learnt to take it easy, I learnt to give what I have and not push myself beyond the limit and get frustrated. I have done the best I could for my baby and I am proud of it. 

Before iishwar was born, many of my friends and family advised me to get enough sleep now and that I will never be able to sleep like I do now once the baby is born. I was skeptic. Come on, how bad could it be? Boy, was I so wrong! I learnt to function with less than 4 hours sleep. I learnt to sleep whenever and wherever I can. I learnt to go back to sleep in a jiffy. Sleep is so over-rated anyway. Haha. 

Besides the lack of sleep, life has also taken a 180 degree change with a baby around. If last time the husband and I could just plan to go away for the weekend, now we have to plan at least 2-3 weeks ahead. If last time, we used to be out and about whenever we felt like, now we prefer to just stay back at home and be with our son. If last time we would walk in to a cinema any time to watch a movie, now we watch only the worth watching ones (so that we don't have to leave iishwar behind frequently). If last time, the priority was us, now priority was the tiny human being who depended on us. 

I once told my husband that I can't imagine how empty our life would have been if not for iishwar. Now, there's a purpose. There's a purpose for our life. There's a purpose to me working my ass off. There's a purpose for the savings. There's a purpose of being responsible. There's a purpose of striving for the best. 

Being a mother is mostly a roller-coaster ride. When it is up, it is at the peak, when it is low, it is at the pit of some bottomless lake. Just saying. Being a working mother, your life is like a roller coaster 24/7, 365 days a year. Hahahaha.

Being a working mother means not being able to spend all the time with the baby. I was not the first person to see him roll over, I was not the first person to see him crawl, sit, stand up, walk and I know there will be more to come and I will not be the first to know. In the beginning, that depressed me. I am his mother, yet I could not be the first to know of his new development. I broke down once again (I seem to be doing that quite often since I delivered, MUST be the hormones!). I was afraid my baby will not love me enough because I am always not there. But like I always do, I picked myself up, with a lot of help from the husband. I may not the be able to be with him always but I will there for him, always. 

Being a mother is a work in progress. But I also know that I am the best mother for my baby (even though I still find changing his diaper when he poops gross?). I know no one else could love him as much as I do. I know no one else will sacrifice anything, anything at all to see him happy. I know that my life now is more meaningful, because of him. 

On a different note, before I even got pregnant, I promised myself that I would be a cool mother when I had a baby! I want my son to be able to talk to me about anything. I want to be able to play with my son like I am a child myself. I want to share his dreams and his thoughts. I want him to tell me about his first love (I promise I won't judge). I want to be his friend. I want to be his comrade. I want to be his partner in crime (can't wait for you to grow up so that we can prank Appa together). :-))

Iishwar, if you ever come across this blog in future, I want you to know that having you was the best thing that happened in my life (sorry to the husband, you have been relegated to no.2). I don't mind facing the swollen legs, stretch marks, going through hair fall episodes, having a big tummy, looking like a hippo and losing sleep again and again for you. Please remember this in future when you think this mother of yours is being impossible with you or refuses to get you the play station you asked for! ;-)

Happy birthday Baby. Amma loves you so much that even words can't describe. 

p/s : Being a mother past 365 days has been AWESOME! 

Opposite Attracts?

Ever heard the term 'opposite attracts' before? I never believed in that till I met my husband. 

We were just so different and I was aware of this from Day 1. As how it is usually, we started off as friends. If anyone would have asked me would I end up with someone like him before this? I would have said 'never'. But then, 'never say never' right? :P

I was the type who is very gung ho and was not afraid to seize the day, he was the type who always took a step back to analyze before deciding and reacting. I was very loud and noisy while he was reserved and quiet. I liked fast beat music, he preferred slow tunes. I like romantic comedies and he likes sci-fiction (ok, this might be a standard behavior of a guy). I spend money where it is worth (even if it is expensive), he on the other hand is thrifty and has a plan on what he should and should not spend on. I loved travelling while he preferred to be at home. I am a skeptic and he is always a believer. Need I say more? It's sufficient to say that we are no two peas in a pod. 

We only knew each other for 4 months before he proposed to me and I accepted. We got married 1 year later. Some would say we rushed into things. How could you possibly know someone well enough in 4 months for you to decide that "this is the person you want to be with the rest of your life"? But here we are, married for the past 2 years, 9 months with a 11 month old baby (soon to be 1 year old). It has been the best experience, so far. (yes, so far). 

Why did it work? Because even though we were total opposites in our preferences, we actually complemented each other like yin and yang in actual life. I always believed that marriage is a compromise itself. And I truly believe this is why we are doing great as a married couple. 

We have had our ups and downs, our fights and reconciliation. But from all of the fights and arguments we have learnt so many things about each other. We learnt to be more compassionate, we learnt to be forgiving, we learnt to be patient, we learnt to accommodate to each other's needs. Does that mean we have changed? No, it means that we are trying to be better partners for each other. 

If previously I used to spend money without thinking, now I ponder before I make the purchase (see how thriftiness can be contagious). And I am proud to say that I have influenced him to go on trips (planned & unplanned) more than he used to do. We still have very different taste when it comes to music, but well, we learnt to enjoy all of it, together. 

I may not be a marriage guru but believe me when I say that with compromise, even opposites can become a pair. ;-)


My husband is now my best friend, my partner in crime, my best/worst critique, my pillar of strength. 

It all begins with...

The blogging bug has bit me! Or so I thought a few years ago. Hahaha. Writing  has always been a passion. But in the midst of being a daughter, sister, friend, wife and finally a mom, there was no time to spare to take a breather, what more penning down the many thoughts and musings. Then there was Facebook & Instagram which made sharing thoughts and happenings easier. However, I realized that there's only so much a person can publish in Facebook or Instagram. There are days when I crave to just rant and writing just a few sentences in Facebook was not sufficient anymore. So here I am, again. :-)

This blog is for me. For me to voice out my thoughts. For me to share my experiences. For me to complain about my dissatisfaction. For me to gloat and boast about my happiness. For me to pour my sadness. For me to be in touch with my creative side. For me to remember and appreciate my life. 

And hope I will be able to write more than I used to before. :D