30 Things You Should Do/Know Before Turning 30!

Disclaimer : This is NOT a new year resolution post. 

I can't believe that this is happening so soon... Where did my 20's go to?? I can still remember when I turned 20. And all of a sudden I will be 30? Thirty?? The BIG 3-0??? Ok Rathi, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Age is just a number! Oh, who am I kidding! 

Damn, I can't believe it, I will be turning 30 in 2014! I hate 2014 just for that. 

I have two choices though. Mop around till Sept 2014, orrrrrr, I can learn how to embrace it. I choose the latter. (have always been cup-half-full person). 

Going to be 30, soon. Hyperventilating! I digress. 

Anyway, here's 30 things I think you should do/have done before turning 30, based on experience of yours truly. (inspired by 25 Things I've Learned In 25 Years). 

Drum roll please (in random order)... : 

1. Learn to respect yourself before you expect people to respect you. 

2. Go away for at least 1 trip every 3 months (doesn't matter if it is just 1 night stay at a hotel in a nearby town, i.e at Penang if staying in Kulim. Just saying.) 

3. Learn to allocate time for family and friends and not just work. 

4. Learn to allocate 'me time' at least 3 - 4 times a week (even if it is just a mere 30mins per session). 

5. Don't hold grudges, life is too short for all that. 

6. Learn to forgive no matter how hard it is. 

7. Always remember that "this will also pass", immaterial if it is a good or a bad thing. 

8. Believe that there's true love out there (if you have not found yours yet). 

9. Laugh when in distress. It helps, believe me. 

10. Learn to let go. No point clinging and pining on someone or something which is not worth. 

11. That life is tough, but you are always tougher. 

12. Be spontaneous, sometimes the best experiences in life happens unplanned. 

13. Give without expecting anything in return. Be selfless. (not easy, but do-able)

14. Know that there will always be people who are not happy with you, but also know that you can't possibly please everyone. 

15. Be happy with what you have and learn not to compare. There are some people out there who are less fortunate than you are. 

16. Help a stranger in need (if it is absolutely save, I am not asking you to stop your car in the middle of the night to help a stalled car!)

17. Don't regret for what has happened, there's always a reason for everything. 

18. Live life day by day, you are not god, you can't predict the future. 

19. Start a small saving account and consistently contribute to it. (with more commitments coming in future, a little savings can go a long way...)

20. Learn how to be independent. 

21. Believe in yourself even when others don't. 

22. Make at least 1 person laugh/smile each day. Life will be much better. 

23. Say "I Love You" more often to the people you love. 

24. Love and be comfortable with your body and take good care of it.  

25. Sacrifice something for your loved ones (no, not your life). 

26. Be realistic with goals. You can't buy a Ferrari if you are earning RM2k per month. 

27. Donate regularly to those who are in need (blood, money, books, food). 

28. Don't stop dreaming. 

29. Re-kindle an old friendship which has died down.

30. Finally, be true to yourself in all kind of situation. If you start cheating yourself then what is there to life? 

I can go on and on and on. 30 is just a small number after all (consoling myself). 

These are things I've learnt based on experience, some mine, some of people around me. They may be trivial but important. These are things we over-look  most of the time. But, above all, what matters most is; be yourself, be comfortable, don't pretend. So that, no matter if you turn 30 or 300, life will always be good. ;-)

Selecting The Right Partner (s)...

I found my other half by chance. For a person who does not believe in chances and coincidences, meeting the guy of my dreams was purely an accident. 

Like all other girls out there, of course I had a man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor, my soul mate. Some guy who would sweep me off my feet and we would ride off to the sunset. 

Hahaha, how delusional I was!

My concept of the perfect guy changed over years. 

Age 15-18, I wanted him to be tall, dark and dashingly handsome and someone who could make me happy. Oh yah, someone who does not drink, does not smoke and does not have any other bad habit, at all. I blame it on all the Spanish dramas I was watching back then. :P

Age 18-24, having become more matured, now my idea of The One was more to character; kind, funny, tolerates well with me AND earns so much of money that I don't have to work at all. Yeah yeah, super materialistic, I know. 

Age 24 and above. My perception totally changed. It could be because of exposure or because of experience. Physical looks have been taken over by personal character and mannerism as the main criteria for the search of the The One. I wanted someone who was compassionate, someone who could make me laugh, someone who could console me when I cry, someone who knows what is compromise, someone who could be my best friend, someone who could blend in well with my family and friends. Most importantly someone who could love me for who I am.

I was not sure how or when, BUT I was very sure that I will meet him someday, somehow. But of course I did not know it when I met him la. Our eyes did not meet across the room and connect. There was no instant attraction. There was no spark or bell sound. My world did not come down crashing and bla bla bla. I never thought he would be The One cause we were just total opposites (read this post : Opposite Attracts). :D

Nevertheless, I was very fortunate for having met HIM, I know. If I didn't, I would have gone through a series of proposal via the normal Indian matchmaking method (a story to tell another day).

As I got to know him, I realized that he was all and even more that what I looked for in a life partner. I do not know if I met his criteria (since we got married, I think I did!).  :-)

Ok, let's cut the crap about my soul mate. What I am trying to say is that, selecting the right partner is never easy. There are many factors to consider, depending on requirements (sorry, I know it sounds so much like some engineering experiment). 

Ultimately, you would want someone who you look forward to come back to after a long day at work. Someone who would be the first person to know if something happens to you. Someone who could make you laugh cause believe me, you will need this a lot in future. Someone who is there for you without questioning you too much. Someone who could be your best friend. Someone who could listen to you when you talk. 

But at the same time, the right partner should also be someone who could tell you off when you make a mistake. Someone who keeps you in check. Someone who sees you at your worst and still loves you for who you are. Someone who accepts that life will never be perfect; there will be arguments and misunderstandings. Someone who could look past all of your shortcomings and still love you unconditionally.

Do not restrict your expectations to worldly things such as physical look, financial and social status. Sometimes it is OK to lower down expectations, what is not OK is to settle down for  the second best just because you think you don't deserve it. 

There's a right partner for everyone out there. It's just matter of time of finding that person.  

I am so glad I found him when I did. :-) 

365 Days of Being a Mother...

The feeling is surreal. I still can't believe that I am a mother and have been one for the past 1 year. Most of the time the husband tells me he doesn't know who is more of a child, me or our son iishwar. Lol. I always believed in reliving the inner child in me. But I digress. 

Before iishwar was born, I was already very determined to do the best I could do for him as a mother. One of the most important thing was breastfeeding. I was very passionate about it. Why? Because it is something I can give to my baby for free, something awesome that only a mother can do and of course it is something that could help my baby grow up healthy. No, I am not saying formula milk is bad for babies. I supplement iishwar with formula and he is doing fine (touch-wood). I am just saying that I was passionate about breastfeeding, I was very excited to try it. How difficult could it be right? WRONG! I am not sure if it was just for me, or it is the same for everyone. I had a epic breastfeeding journey of blocked ducts, cracked nipples (TMI, sorry), engorgement, insufficient milk supply bla bla bla. Whatever possible complication there could be with breastfeeding, I had it. Lol. 

I remember breaking down crying one night while feeding iishwar. It was just too painful because of the blocked duct. I remember telling my mother, "why is God making this so difficult for me, I am trying to do something good for my baby. why can't it be easier?". Yes that was a moment of madness due to lack of sleep, lack of rest, lack of proper knowledge. :P

I pulled through, I made it. I learnt to take it easy, I learnt to give what I have and not push myself beyond the limit and get frustrated. I have done the best I could for my baby and I am proud of it. 

Before iishwar was born, many of my friends and family advised me to get enough sleep now and that I will never be able to sleep like I do now once the baby is born. I was skeptic. Come on, how bad could it be? Boy, was I so wrong! I learnt to function with less than 4 hours sleep. I learnt to sleep whenever and wherever I can. I learnt to go back to sleep in a jiffy. Sleep is so over-rated anyway. Haha. 

Besides the lack of sleep, life has also taken a 180 degree change with a baby around. If last time the husband and I could just plan to go away for the weekend, now we have to plan at least 2-3 weeks ahead. If last time, we used to be out and about whenever we felt like, now we prefer to just stay back at home and be with our son. If last time we would walk in to a cinema any time to watch a movie, now we watch only the worth watching ones (so that we don't have to leave iishwar behind frequently). If last time, the priority was us, now priority was the tiny human being who depended on us. 

I once told my husband that I can't imagine how empty our life would have been if not for iishwar. Now, there's a purpose. There's a purpose for our life. There's a purpose to me working my ass off. There's a purpose for the savings. There's a purpose of being responsible. There's a purpose of striving for the best. 

Being a mother is mostly a roller-coaster ride. When it is up, it is at the peak, when it is low, it is at the pit of some bottomless lake. Just saying. Being a working mother, your life is like a roller coaster 24/7, 365 days a year. Hahahaha.

Being a working mother means not being able to spend all the time with the baby. I was not the first person to see him roll over, I was not the first person to see him crawl, sit, stand up, walk and I know there will be more to come and I will not be the first to know. In the beginning, that depressed me. I am his mother, yet I could not be the first to know of his new development. I broke down once again (I seem to be doing that quite often since I delivered, MUST be the hormones!). I was afraid my baby will not love me enough because I am always not there. But like I always do, I picked myself up, with a lot of help from the husband. I may not the be able to be with him always but I will there for him, always. 

Being a mother is a work in progress. But I also know that I am the best mother for my baby (even though I still find changing his diaper when he poops gross?). I know no one else could love him as much as I do. I know no one else will sacrifice anything, anything at all to see him happy. I know that my life now is more meaningful, because of him. 

On a different note, before I even got pregnant, I promised myself that I would be a cool mother when I had a baby! I want my son to be able to talk to me about anything. I want to be able to play with my son like I am a child myself. I want to share his dreams and his thoughts. I want him to tell me about his first love (I promise I won't judge). I want to be his friend. I want to be his comrade. I want to be his partner in crime (can't wait for you to grow up so that we can prank Appa together). :-))

Iishwar, if you ever come across this blog in future, I want you to know that having you was the best thing that happened in my life (sorry to the husband, you have been relegated to no.2). I don't mind facing the swollen legs, stretch marks, going through hair fall episodes, having a big tummy, looking like a hippo and losing sleep again and again for you. Please remember this in future when you think this mother of yours is being impossible with you or refuses to get you the play station you asked for! ;-)

Happy birthday Baby. Amma loves you so much that even words can't describe. 

p/s : Being a mother past 365 days has been AWESOME! 

This time last year...

Disclaimer : If you are not a mother yet and intend to be a mother somewhere in future, please read this only if you have a strong heart/stomach. ;-)

This time last year, I was 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I looked like a hippo (literally). My feet were swollen beyond words can describe. My tummy was stretched to the size of a very big watermelon. Suffice to say, I was more than ready to deliver the baby I have been nurturing in my womb for the past 9 months+. 

This time last year, I was already admitted in the hospital to be induced for labor. 

I had what people would say an uneventful pregnancy. Very mild dose of morning sickness, the normal cramps now and then, low red blood cell (expected, I have been always anemic). I was full of energy and was loving it being pregnant. Finally I can wear whatever clothes I wanted to and no one can say that I have a big tummy! :P 

Then came week 30. The complications started. Glucose was detected in my urine during one of the pre-natal clinic visits. I had gestational diabetes. It was not something surprising. My father has diabetes and I have been under monitoring since the 1st trimester. I refused to take insulin, I knew I could control my food intake and keep the diabetes in control. I always had sweet tooth and somehow when I was pregnant, it just intensified. Sigh. 

I didn't have any food fetish when I was pregnant, but I loved dessert! It's ok, it's just for another 2 months or so. I was very sure everything would be fine. 

Week 36 came, glucose was under control. But, my feet were the size of a baby elephant. +___+. It was so swollen that I could not move my feet without feeling any pain. Back then only one mantra was running through my head; "4 more weeks to go, 4 more weeks only".

During the visit to my gynae at week 38, he raised concern that the baby was slightly on the big side (scan showed 3.6kg +/-200g). And since this is my 1st child, it would be difficult for normal delivery if the baby got any bigger. So, the doc informed to get myself admitted on 12.12.12 to be induced for labor IF I have not got the natural pain by then. 

12.12.12 came, no pain, no indication for the baby to come (was my womb that comfortable little baby?). So I had to 'serah diri' to my doctor to be induced for delivery. 

After the normal procedure done, the 1st round of induction was done. A medicine called Prostin was inserted intra-vagina at 9am, Was told to lie down for at least 30mins to enable the medicine to dissolve. 11am, no sign of contraction. I could still walk around, eat as usual and have no sense whatsoever of pain. There was just a slight discomfort. Doc came for rounds at 1pm. No contraction, not dilated, no progress. Sigh. This continued till 7pm. Doctor asked me to call it a day, get a good night's sleep and we will see how things go the next day. 

Why baby, why you no come out? Hahaha... 

13.12.12, same process repeated again, this time I was given induction via IV. Now was the real deal. Contractions begin as soon as the IV was in. 9am, Doctor visits once again. Dilated a mere 4cm. Wth! Doctor decides to break the waterbag and gives me time till 2pm to dilate till 10cm, else other alternatives has to be discussed. Way to go doctor! That is definitely the way to encourage natural delivery! (eye-rolling). 

11am, dilated till 5cm only, I breakdown crying in the delivery room. Husband is flabbergasted. It's not the pain I tell him. Pain I can tolerate. It's the uncertainty. I have no complications. I should not have to go through a surgery to get the baby out. He calms me down and asks me to relax. Contractions become stronger. The husband asks me "Is it painful?". I tell him to leave. Hahahahaha. 

The midwife suggests that I take a pain killer shot. I refuse, afraid that it would further delay the contraction progress. But she claims that it will help me to relax, and subsequently help me to dilate faster. I take the shot. It must have been some miracle shot. Within 2 hours I have dilated to 9 cm! Hallelujah! (albeit having bone crushing contractions, I was relieved that it's soon). 

13.45, the Doctor comes in. Tells me to push only and only when I have a contraction. That's easy. I have been having contractions less than 1 minute apart. I push with all my energy for the next contractions. I do not scream, I do not utter a word. I conserve the energy to push. On the 4th contractions, the Doctor tells me to give a last push with all of my energy (of what I have left!). And suddenly I feel something gushing out! That was it, that was my baby! He was out, he was safe. :-)

As cliched as it may sound, once the baby was born, I forgot the pain, I forgot the hardship, I forgot that I have been ripped. All I could do was to thank God that the baby was save and I survived. I survived the toughest battle in my life. 

Someone asked me how did I feel when I delivered the baby. My answer was "I felt as if my heart was ripped and put back in place the exact moment he was delivered". Hahahahaha. But it was worth every drop of sweat, tear and blood shed. Will I do it again? NOT in the near future. Maybe after a year, or two, or three or never again. :P

This time last year, I was not sure if I could face the challenge. This time last year, I was not sure if I would succeed. This time last year was so full of uncertainty. But this time, this year, I look back at this time, last year with a whimsical smile. 

I made it and that's what counts. :-)

Opposite Attracts?

Ever heard the term 'opposite attracts' before? I never believed in that till I met my husband. 

We were just so different and I was aware of this from Day 1. As how it is usually, we started off as friends. If anyone would have asked me would I end up with someone like him before this? I would have said 'never'. But then, 'never say never' right? :P

I was the type who is very gung ho and was not afraid to seize the day, he was the type who always took a step back to analyze before deciding and reacting. I was very loud and noisy while he was reserved and quiet. I liked fast beat music, he preferred slow tunes. I like romantic comedies and he likes sci-fiction (ok, this might be a standard behavior of a guy). I spend money where it is worth (even if it is expensive), he on the other hand is thrifty and has a plan on what he should and should not spend on. I loved travelling while he preferred to be at home. I am a skeptic and he is always a believer. Need I say more? It's sufficient to say that we are no two peas in a pod. 

We only knew each other for 4 months before he proposed to me and I accepted. We got married 1 year later. Some would say we rushed into things. How could you possibly know someone well enough in 4 months for you to decide that "this is the person you want to be with the rest of your life"? But here we are, married for the past 2 years, 9 months with a 11 month old baby (soon to be 1 year old). It has been the best experience, so far. (yes, so far). 

Why did it work? Because even though we were total opposites in our preferences, we actually complemented each other like yin and yang in actual life. I always believed that marriage is a compromise itself. And I truly believe this is why we are doing great as a married couple. 

We have had our ups and downs, our fights and reconciliation. But from all of the fights and arguments we have learnt so many things about each other. We learnt to be more compassionate, we learnt to be forgiving, we learnt to be patient, we learnt to accommodate to each other's needs. Does that mean we have changed? No, it means that we are trying to be better partners for each other. 

If previously I used to spend money without thinking, now I ponder before I make the purchase (see how thriftiness can be contagious). And I am proud to say that I have influenced him to go on trips (planned & unplanned) more than he used to do. We still have very different taste when it comes to music, but well, we learnt to enjoy all of it, together. 

I may not be a marriage guru but believe me when I say that with compromise, even opposites can become a pair. ;-)


My husband is now my best friend, my partner in crime, my best/worst critique, my pillar of strength. 

Battle Scars...

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars" ~ Khalil Gibran

Scars have also been synonym to warriors, to soldiers, to protectors. The bigger the better. More scars means more battles fought and won, more innocent people saved/protected.

Scars however are not acceptable on a woman. A woman is expected to have smooth flawless skin. It doesn't matter if we're 6 or 60 years old. We women are expected to have scar-less skins cause that's what indicates that we are women? Blehhh...

When I got pregnant I got many advises and info. One of it was to apply baby oil/bio oil on my tummy to avoid stretch marks. Since I am already marred with many scars (from self-inflicting accidents, cause I'm a very clumsy person :P), I diligently followed the advice. And I was very proud because till Week 32 I am still stretch mark-less and even my gynae was very surprised because it's very common for dark skinned pregnant women to have stretch marks.

Then came Week 36 and suddenly I started seeing spots of darkened skin on my waist. Oh no! What went wrong I asked myself? I have never been obedient with daily routines before (I am an engineer, I have no time to primp!) but I made sure I rubbed on the baby oil twice a day on my tummy. This should not be happening! Panicked and googled up lots of remedies to avoid the dreaded stretch marks. But before I even tried any of it, I remembered what a colleague once told me "you are not a mother if you don't have stretch marks". Back then when I heard that, I just thought to myself that stretch marks should not be made synonym to mothers. I can fight it! Hahahahahaa... How delusional I was? I am aware there are many women out there who have flawless skin even after delivering many children. And no, I am not indicating that you are not a good mother. But at the same time neither does a mother wish to have stretch marks all over her body.

This is about myself, about my stretch marks. :-)

I learnt to accept that it is part and parcel of the next phase in my life. A 3.0 kg baby grew in my womb, I am bound to have stretch marks here and there. Also these are the same marks I have seen on my mother as I was growing up. The marks were the as prove that my mother has gone through so much to bring me and my siblings to the world.

So yeah, all those stretch mark adverts showing women with smooth belly does not faze me anymore. And I am not so tempted to splurge on all the anti-mark/scar creams on the shelves at the pharmacy.

Finally I came across this quote by a brilliant woman who probably was sick and tired of being scrutinized cause of her stretch marks and I was SOLD :

And I am proud to say that I have indeed earned my battle scar after all. ;-)

It all begins with...

The blogging bug has bit me! Or so I thought a few years ago. Hahaha. Writing  has always been a passion. But in the midst of being a daughter, sister, friend, wife and finally a mom, there was no time to spare to take a breather, what more penning down the many thoughts and musings. Then there was Facebook & Instagram which made sharing thoughts and happenings easier. However, I realized that there's only so much a person can publish in Facebook or Instagram. There are days when I crave to just rant and writing just a few sentences in Facebook was not sufficient anymore. So here I am, again. :-)

This blog is for me. For me to voice out my thoughts. For me to share my experiences. For me to complain about my dissatisfaction. For me to gloat and boast about my happiness. For me to pour my sadness. For me to be in touch with my creative side. For me to remember and appreciate my life. 

And hope I will be able to write more than I used to before. :D