As parents, I believe we are challenged the most when our child is sick. Especially the young ones who can't tell us what's wrong. Iishwar was always a healthy baby. Yeah he did get the flu or fever occasionally but he was always able to have a speedy recovery. Until I stopped breastfeeding him, which was when he was about 8 & 1/2 months old. He started falling sick so frequently and it took a long time for him to get well. From August 2013 till now, I have visited the pediatrician at least 10 times. Sigh.
Last 2 weeks was the most challenging for us. Iishwar was down with some viral infection which causes him to either vomit out whatever we fed him (even water) ord to have such bad diarrhea that it could leak out from his diapers. We were worried beyond words could describe.
As parents, it was really heartbreaking to watch him lie down weakly and not being active as he was always. All we could do was to keep him hydrated as the Doctor suggested. And he must have hated me for pinning him down to force-feed him the multiple medicine that was given to him (I am very sorry baby, I have no choice).
We even went to the extend of admitting him to the hospital, but somehow there was some godly intervention, I think. There was no room available in the hospital. A private specialist hospital, go figure! And by God's grace, he got better the very same day and we were just so glad we did not admit him after all.
While all this was happening, I was asking God why was this happening to us? What did the poor little boy do to suffer this much? I got my answer when I came across this blog about Baby Alexa.
I cried as I read Nat's blog. Nat's baby Alexa was born sleeping (still born). She had a normal pregnancy with no complications till she was 9 months pregnant. Another 4 weeks to her due date she felt that there was something wrong as Baby Alexa's movement reduced drastically. A visit to her ob-gyn confirmed her suspicion. There was no heartbeat. Her baby was gone. As a mother, I could only say I know how she feels. To carry a child for 36 - 40 weeks in your womb to just lose the child? Devastating.
Yes, people will say that it is God's will and that we should be happy that the child is now in heaven. But as a mother, all we can think is : I WANT THE CHILD WITH ME, NOT IN HEAVEN!
Who would want to go through the ups and downs of being pregnant and just lose the child at the end?
What's worse was that, Nat had to still go through the delivery process and the confinement after her delivery. Honestly, being pregnant is a breeze. Even delivery is tolerate-able up to an extend. But the confinement? That's a whole lot of a different story. It is not only difficult but it is also very challenging. What makes it better? The fact that you have a baby to love and care for. Imagine going through all the pain, trauma and stress and not have your baby with you? There's no worse feeling than that.
And then, it hit me. I am a very fortunate person. I had a somewhat uneventful pregnancy and delivery (now that I know about Nat, I don't think my delivery was difficult at all). My baby is fine and healthy (god bless him and touch all the wood in the world). I get to go back home and see my baby everyday. I could see him progress as he grows. I can provide him with whatever he needs. What more could I ask for?
I am just thankful for what God has given me. I have learnt to accept that even if my life may not be perfect, but it is enough for me. I have a loving husband, a mischievous and healthy baby, a great and supportive family and a bunch of crazy friends who are there for me when I need them.
And for all that, I am just thankful....
p/s : Nat is now pregnant with her 2nd baby. Let's pray for her, her baby and Baby Alexa :-)
