I wish there was a manual for baby/toddler handling ever since Iishwar was born. Even something as complicated as launching a rocket has a manual but there is none for nurturing a child! There may be 1001 books on childcare in the market but believe me when I say, none of it works a 100%.
Iishwar will be turning 2 in Dec'14. You guys would think that by now I am pro at being a mother. That I can handle him single handedly in any situation. WRONG!
Kids behave so differently at different stages of their lives. Just when the husband and I were confident we got the situation under control, Iishwar throws a curve-ball at us and we go crash, boom, bang. :-(
Well, all part and parcel of being a parent, I know. Not that I'm complaining cause we love Iishwar so much, we are willing to do anything for him, literally. Well, sometimes, that is also a problem. I digress.
Do you know what makes childcare more difficult? The comments, advises and so called wisdom words from people around you.
No offense to anyone reading this. I know everyone means well when they advice new parents. But at times, they can be more annoying than being helpful.
I've compiled some of the advice/comments which just gets me worked up and I believe these are comments you should refrain from giving other new parents because I am pretty sure they do not want hear them. At least try not to do it.
1. Your milk is not enough, that's why your baby is crying.
I chose to breastfeed my baby. The best decision I've made, because I know how good breast milk is for a baby. If you didn't choose to do it, no problem cause that is your choice. But keep your opinions to yourself if possible. Most of the the breastfeeding mothers fail to exclusively breastfeed their baby because of all the negative comments from people around them. "Your milk is insufficient, that's why your baby is crying". "Look how thin your baby is, he/she is not getting enough nutrient from you milk because it's watery". "Why would you want to waste time expressing milk with a pump when you can do other things?". It goes on and on and on. Please, stop.
2. Oh, he looks so much like his father/mother. Why is he so dark/thin/fat/short etc.
It's never-ending. Every child is perfect for his parents. I don't care if my son is dark skinned because his father is and he is an Indian. If he is fair like a Mat Salleh, then definitely there's something wrong somewhere. These comments gets to my nerves. Beauty is just skin deep. It's the character which will carve their future. And of course he looks like either me or my husband laaaa. Want him to look like who then??
3. You left your child with so and so and went shopping/watched movie? How could you?
Stop judging! Just because we have a child now does not mean life stops there, does it? We parents do need some time for ourselves. We need some quiet time with each other. Those days, things were different. Parents doted on their children 24/7 and in progress lost themselves. Again, it's ones choice. Don't judge. It is ok to occasionally to leave your child with the grandparents of even their nanny so that we can spend some quality time with our better half. It is totally ok.
4. Oh, he is 5 months old and he has not rolled over yet? My so and so rolled over when he/she was 3/4 months.
Iishwar rolled over when he was 5 & 1/2 months. Slightly delayed compared to other babies, I know. But I was not worried because every blog/child care related articles I have read has indicated that each and every baby is different and that they do things differently in a different time frame. And that as long as their growth is good, we should not worry about anything else. Learn to realize that first before giving any comments. Iishwar may have started to roll-over only when he turned 5 & 1/2 months but he started walking as soon as was 11 months!! So yeah, he may have been slow in the beginning but I would say he caught up pretty well.
5. You are feeding him blended porridge/puree? I fed my child rice when he/she was 8 months old and he/she is fine.
It is not my problem if you choose to cause damage to your child's digestive system. Really.
Kids who are fed with solids before they are ready for it, have high chances to be infected with inefficient digestive system. So, get your facts right first.
6. You let your child sleep with you in the bed?
For the love of God. I know that I should avoid this unless I want Iishwar to be the only child. But it happened without us realizing it. I have always put him to sleep in his playpen. But there was a time he got so sick with diarrhea and vomiting, we had no choice but to let him sleep with us because we wanted to monitor his progress throughout the night. 1 day became 1 week and then 1 month. And he refuses to sleep in his playpen anymore. And he is at the age where he will not understand even if I explain to him why he needs to sleep alone. So i don't see any harm in him sleeping with us.
7. He has not said his 1st word yet? Isn't he slow for his age?
Again, different kids, different time frame. Always remember that. Iishwar called me 'Amma' when he was ~18 months old. I get it, some kids are fast, they can speak in 3 letter sentence by the time they are 18 months old. But no, Iishwar took his time to begin saying legitimate words. Even before that, he used to go on and on in his baby language. So no, I was not worried. Because I knew that Iishwar is in fact not a quiet person, he loves to talk. He is just taking his time to learn our words. He is now a parrot and is picking up words at a very fast speed.
8. You should not raise your voice/raise your hand when he throws tantrum.
Iishwar is in his terrible twos at the moment. And he is the king of all tantrums. I've tried all types of confrontation, you name it. But what works the most? Raising my voice and soothing him later on. It works for me, might not work for you. But yeah, even if I don't want to, I have to do it. Unless I want Iishwar to turn into a spoilt brat (he is already beginning to behave like one). I do not want to regret not trying to discipline him when he was younger. At the end of the day, parents know what is the best for their child and you telling them what they are doing is not right at times does not help at all.
9. Don't expose him to television/hand phone.
I tried, I did. But at times I need him to be occupied so that I can finish my job as fast as possible without disturbance. So yeah, I am guilty as charged. But as a working mother, I just do not have the luxury of keeping my child occupied any other way. I believe, moderation is the key. So what if he watched television? We all grew up watching television. We turned up well enough, didn't we? Sometimes, people just make a big deal of a small thing. So, try not to judge a parent so fast.
10. Don't do it this way, do it my way!
This is something that does not fail to get me riled up. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If we are doing something wrong, by all means do correct us. But do not ask us to do things differently just because it is different style from yours. Everyone have their own way of doing things, but ultimately we all want the same result --> the best for our child. Let's leave it at that.
I really do hope my post has not hurt anyone in any way. These are just some things that I dislike to hear as a new parent. I do respect all of your opinions and advises but there is a way to convey it. And there is a time and place to say it as well. So do bear in your mind these things before you decide to comment/advise anyone regarding their child.
The picture below best depicts my situation from when Iishwar was born till now. :-)
To all the new parents out there, hang in there peeps. You guys are doing a wonderful job! Salute!
